Why Men Matter in Children’s Lives, and What Kind of Presence Actually Helps
Men Matter, but Presence Alone Is Not Enough
When we talk about children’s development, we often reduce men to one role: provider. But that is far too narrow.
Men play an important role in the healthy development of children, whether they are fathers, grandfathers, uncles, mentors, teachers, or caregivers. Their involvement can shape a child’s emotional, social, cognitive, and moral growth in meaningful ways. A healthy male figure can help provide love and emotional support, model character and responsibility, build confidence and self-esteem, teach boundaries and discipline, support learning and problem-solving, promote social and emotional development, offer stability and protection, and help shape identity.
As UNICEF’s Pia Britto put it, “Fathers are one of the best child development resources we have” (UNICEF, 2017). A father’s role is not symbolic, decorative, or secondary. It has real developmental consequences.
Research clearly supports this. Zheng et al. (2026) found that father involvement was significantly associated with young children’s social-emotional development. Specifically, when fathers took direct, daily responsibility for managing their children's routines, the positive impact on the child's social competence was direct. A father’s role is not just an abstract emotional concept; it has a quantifiable impact on a child's growth.
What the Data Shows About Father Involvement
At the same time, the data also shows that there is a serious gap between what children need and what many fathers currently provide.
In a large study across 62 low- and middle-income countries, Cuartas et al. (2020) found that only 11.9% of children experienced high stimulation from fathers, compared with 39.8% from mothers and 20.7% from other caregivers. The same study found that 47.8% of fathers did not engage in any stimulation activities with their children, while only 6.4% engaged in five or six such activities. These stimulation activities include things like reading, talking, playing, naming objects, and interacting in responsive ways. They may sound simple, but they are part of how children build language, attachment, curiosity, and emotional security.
So when we say men matter in children’s lives, the research is clear: they do. But it also shows that in many settings, fathers remain under-involved in the day-to-day interactions that shape healthy development.
The Kenyan Context Matters
This conversation is especially important in our own context.
Owino and Yigezu (2023), in a study on fathers and caregiving arrangements in Kenya and Ethiopia, found that 74% of respondents in Kenya said fathers played a major role in childcare, compared with 57.7% in Ethiopia. That is important because it challenges the lazy assumption that fathers are naturally detached or irrelevant in African family life. Fathers are already part of the caregiving picture. The real issue is not whether men matter. The issue is how they show up, and how consistently and healthily they do so.
This matters because society often speaks about men in broad and careless ways. We can easily overgeneralize and act as if all fathers, uncles, mentors, or male figures have the same impact. They do not. What shapes a child most is not gender alone, but behavior, attachment, consistency, and emotional safety.
Quality of Involvement Matters More Than Gender Alone
The most important factor is not simply whether a man is present. It is the quality of his involvement.
A man who is loving, present, consistent, engaged, and emotionally available can have a deeply positive effect in a child’s life. On the other hand, a father or male figure who is absent, emotionally unavailable, violent, neglectful, or inconsistent can have a very different effect. So male presence, by itself, is not automatically protective. Healthy involvement is what matters.
That is why William Shakespeare’s line still rings true: “It is a wise father that knows his own child” (Shakespeare, as cited in ET Online, 2025). Knowing a child is more than being around them. It means understanding who they are, noticing what they need, and showing up in a way that builds trust and security.
This is consistent with broader research as well. Rollè et al. (2019), in a systematic review, found a positive association between father involvement and children’s cognitive development, particularly in early childhood. In other words, father involvement is linked not only to emotional and relational outcomes, but also to how children think, learn, and solve problems.
So the question is not simply, “Is there a man in the home?” The real question is, “What kind of man is present, and how is he showing up?”
Father Involvement Shapes the Whole Family Climate
This issue does not only affect children directly. It also affects the emotional health of the home.
McCann et al. (2024), in a study from rural Western Kenya, found that father involvement was a protective factor for maternal mental health. That means when fathers were more positively involved, mothers reported fewer depressive symptoms. This is important because children do not develop in isolation. They develop within emotional systems. When fathers are engaged in healthy ways, the whole caregiving environment becomes more stable and supportive.
So this is not just about a man helping a child. It is about a man helping shape the emotional climate of the family.
Protection, Stability, and Emotional Safety
One of the enduring needs of childhood is safety. Sigmund Freud once wrote, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection” (Freud, as cited in Schimelpfening, 2011). Whether one agrees with every part of Freud’s framing or not, the point remains powerful. Children need protection, steadiness, and the reassurance that the adults around them can be trusted.
But protection should not be understood only in physical terms. Children also need emotional safety. They need to know that home is not just a place where rules exist, but a place where they are seen, heard, and guided. A father who offers stability without warmth may create fear rather than security. A father who combines guidance with attunement is far more likely to support healthy development.
Common Misconceptions About Men and Nurture
One common misconception is that men are not naturally emotional or nurturing, and that if they are, they are somehow less masculine. Another is that discipline is the father’s main role, while emotional connection belongs to women. These ideas are both misleading.
Both boys and girls need emotional connection, guidance, and healthy discipline from father figures. Children benefit when the adults raising them are emotionally healthy, responsible, attuned, and engaged. What children need is not simply authority or provision. They need care, connection, guidance, and safety.
The problem is that many men have never been shown how to connect emotionally. Social conditioning often teaches men to perform rather than connect. Many have grown up believing that their value lies in providing, fixing, enduring, or staying strong, rather than being emotionally present. Some are also carrying unresolved trauma, attachment insecurity, or emotional wounds from their own upbringing. These barriers can make connection with children difficult, even when the desire to love is there.
Why Men’s Mental Health Matters in This Conversation
That is why men’s mental health matters so much here. If a man is emotionally shut down, burdened, ashamed, or disconnected from himself, it becomes harder for him to be emotionally available to his children. We cannot talk seriously about children’s wellbeing without also talking about the inner lives of the men helping raise them.
Children benefit from stable, emotionally available, and responsible male figures in their lives. When men provide consistent care, emotional attunement, guidance, safety, and active engagement, they can significantly strengthen a child’s development. But again, the quality of the relationship matters far more than gender alone. Healthy involvement can help children thrive. Harmful or absent involvement can wound them deeply.
So as we reflect on men’s mental health, we should also reflect on men’s role in raising children. Not only boys, but girls too. Children do not simply need men around them. They need men who are present in the right way.
References
Cuartas, J., Jeong, J., Rey-Guerra, C., McCoy, D. C., & Yoshikawa, H. (2020). Maternal, paternal, and other caregivers’ stimulation in low- and middle-income countries. PLOS ONE, 15(7), e0236107.
ET Online. (2025, June 16). Father’s Day saying by William Shakespeare: “It is a wise father that knows his own child”. The Economic Times.
McCann, J. K., Freire, S., Ramos de Oliveira, C. V., Ochieng, M., & Jeong, J. (2024). Father involvement as a protective factor for maternal mental health in Western Kenya. SSM - Mental Health, 5, 100318.
Owino, G. E. G. E., & Yigezu, M. Y. (2023). The role of fathers and care-giving arrangements in informal settlements in Kenya and Ethiopia. Frontiers in Public Health, 11, 1099568.
Rollè, L., Gullotta, G., Trombetta, T., Curti, L., Gerino, E., Brustia, P., & Caldarera, A. M. (2019). Father involvement and cognitive development in early and middle childhood: A systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 2405.
Schimelpfening, N. (2011, June 16). Without you, Dad, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Psychology Today.
UNICEF. (2017, June 15). Fathers are one of the best yet most underutilized child development resources.
Zheng, Q., Cai, L., Huang, P., Huang, W., & Ni, Y. (2026). Father’s involvement is critical in social-emotional development in early childhood: A meta-analysis. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 74, 26-34.
